i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
