The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
