he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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