and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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