I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
