Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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