I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
