Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
