Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
North Korea, Best Korea!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
