Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
