He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
