So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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