I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
