you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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