I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
