I just found puke in my bra..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
