I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Randomize
