Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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