remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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