he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
