it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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