Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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