are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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