so explain again why im purple
no
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
