so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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