I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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