well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
