In the future we'll all be gay
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
