I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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