I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
