if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
