Can i not drive my cunt home
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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