I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
