Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
