When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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