Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
