im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My first STD was from a foam party
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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