Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
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