Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
