new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
