Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize