Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
