my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
