this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
