i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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