Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the condom got lost in my hair
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
