For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
