Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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