ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize