Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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