Redeem this text for a blowjob
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
