this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the condom got lost in my hair
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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