Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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