did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
