Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
