Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
