i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
