is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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