I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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