I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize