erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
