let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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