I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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