Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
