So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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