She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
