Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
