Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
