i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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