my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
