It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
