You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
