I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
