I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
