her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
