I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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