And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
