he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
