Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
