i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All the doctor said was why
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
