Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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