my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
