Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
