We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
