i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
