Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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