my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
