did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
