My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i permit you to call me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
