my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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