trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
