Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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