I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
