What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
