it was like eating out sand paper
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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