I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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