at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
