he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
